Loving-Kindness

I've been dabbling in the world of meditation on and off for a while, but I've recently gotten more serious about it. (And by serious, I mean I try to fit it in a few times a week and I still find myself either dropping off to sleep or completely unable to calm everything going on in my head. But. It's something.)

Within the past couple months, some intense anxiety became a more prominent thing in my life and I've found two things that best quell that monster: restorative yoga and mindful meditation.

Tonight, I tried out a kind of meditation someone strongly recommended for me: loving-kindness meditation, or metta meditation. Its purpose is to bring warmth and goodwill into your life by repeating mantras such as "may I be well, may I be loved" (etc) and directing them towards yourself, loved ones, strangers, and people you may not like so much. Before sending out warmth and well-wishes to others, you must first practice appreciating yourself.

...That's when things went unexpectedly wonky, right at the beginning. The guided meditation youtube video had me put my hands over my heart and tell myself, "May you be well. May you be happy. May you be peaceful. May you be loved." This immediately made me cry and the video seemed to know exactly what was going on because that random recorded voice encouraged me to feel whatever I happened to feel, even if it was unexpected.

I've been so intent on being gentle with myself and trying to be encouraging with myself, but I think I've been going about it wrong. I'm still not sure exactly the right way to go about it, but loving-kindness meditation is definitely a step in the right direction.

Workin' on it.

In case you wanted to try it out and maybe have yourself a little cry-fest, this is the video I used, and also the first one I clicked on. There are probably better ones, but this'll do fo' now.