Happily eating chocolate chips as I write this. Wheeeeee!

It's been a long, long journey getting to where I'm comfortable with the way my body looks and changes. Not gonna get too far into it, but a few years back I struggled with some disordered food and exercise behavior. I made a lot (a lot) of life changes (mostly good ones) in my last year at UVM and finally started finding my balance. I've pretty solidly found it now and I'm so glad the huge transition to Colorado didn't throw me out of whack.

A large epiphany moment in accepting myself came from watching the fitness progress of others on Instagram. Strictly fitspo, never thinspo. I follow a few people who have dream bodies, follow the strictest of diets, and always post beautiful pictures, but more importantly, I also follow people who use their accounts to document what really happens. And that's a whole different story.

The term that changed everything for me is "shape." Your body changes shape regularly. The way you look in the morning is not necessarily how you will look by the end of the day. You're different depending on what you eat, what your workout is, how stressful the day was, etc. Someone will post a "morning shape" photo and an "evening shape" photo and the two look night and day different (PUN INTENDED, LOLOL). And ya know what else?! You can be muscular and it's often times not noticeable unless you're flexing! It's deceptive! It's downright misleading! Let me repeat, NOT EVERYONE LOOKS LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME. I actually think it's worth repeating a few more times and maybe even worth shouting from a rooftop or two, but I'll spare you.

I took a gym selfie the other day because I started seeing a little bit of bicep definition and got way, way excited. Of course, it's only when I posture myself just so and flex the shit out of it, but HEY. I'll take it. This one was taken in the morning and you can bet your bottom dollar that I did not look quite the same that night after a pasta dinner and a couple whiskey sours. It's all about the ebb and flow. I wish it hadn't taken me so long to realize that.

And side note: just because I'm feelin' good about what's goin' on here, that does NOT mean I've given up all ma junk food. There are still heaps of chocolate chips in my oatmeal every damn day and the speed at which I can chunk-spelunk through a pint of B&J's is actually awe-inspiring.

I treated myself to a pair of fancy patterned compression workout shorts at the Nike outlet today because 1) most of my workout gear is thrifted and that's sort of gross and 2) they're pretty and 3) they were on sale (which is still out of my desired price range, but UGH) and 4) my quads looked AWESOME in the dressing room. New gym clothing shouldn't be this exciting, but it IS. Treat yo'self. Make leg day as fun as possible.